March Adness…

Happens every Spring…I find myself emotionally attached to a school that requires me to visit Google Maps for a geographical primer. Lehigh, Creighton, Butler, Murray St., Loyola, Gonzaga, St. Bonaventure ~ I’ve been pulling this stunt since willing Providence and Villanova to unchartered heights in the mid 1980’s. Some call it front-running, some call it band-wagon support, I just loves me some underdogs.

‘Schadenfreude’ is the name, playa-hater is the game. I don’t know why I/we/you take so much pleasure in seeing the giants fall, but there’s something uniquely satisfying about the NCAA Basketball tourney providing a moment in the sunshine for the little guy. Of course some teams are just begging to be disliked…Duke? Buncha whiny prep schoolers with too much access to face paint. Wisconsin? Farm-fed, strawberry-blonde Frankenballers who win ugly. Kansas, Texas, Syracuse? Inevitable heartbreakers who find a way to lose, God love ’em. But then… have Virginia Commonwealth, Norfolk, Detroit – these dudes are underdogs, workers, over-achievers, Cinderella, lunch-box carrying blue-collar ballers (did that cover the gamut of popular cliches?).

Of course, if you’re going to watch this much TV in such a short timespan, you’re bound to have a few observations that have nothing to do with the game on the floor:

1. Leslie Visser, bless her plastic soul, has no close friends. If she did, one of them would have surely told her that she appears to be wearing a Leslie Visser mask. It’s really awkward when she turns her head & you can see the zipper.

2. Let’s hear it for small-town USA! South Dakota State (located, I assume, in South Dakota) brings out the rockin’est cheerleaders in the tourney. Ohio State has 60,000 students and they can’t find 10 hot girls?

3. Taco Bell™ is killing me – NOBODY drives 965 miles for a taco, I don’t care if the shell is made of gold.

4. TruTV™ is one of the networks for 1st and 2nd round games. NBC and ABC are not. How is that even possible? Sales team, in my office, you’re all fired!

5. Spandau Ballet hasn’t had this kind of exposure in 20 years. I still don’t know what the freaking car is that’s being hawked, but SB is serving it up every 10 minutes. Expect a reunion tour soon.

6. Kenny Smith translates to college basketball. Charles Barkley does not…

7. “Dallas” is actually returning to television…right about the time this starts seeming ridiculous, an ad for “Falling Skies” hits the screen ~ “oh, so THAT’s why the keep remaking old shows”

8. Wow, Charlie Sheen’s meltdown really hurt him in the pocketbook; the guy’s featured in 2 different ad campaigns, both parodying his bizarre behavior. “Winning” indeed.


Finally, No “E.D.” – I know, complete non-sequitir, but there has been a glorious omission of Viagra™ and Cialis™ commercials. I don’t know what that means, but it means something, and I’m spared the ridiculous image of spontaneous romance spurred on by shampooing the dog.

It’s the little things….


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